Sunday, July 28, 2013

Struggles and Triumph

There has been a lot going on here at home while Doug and the boys have been in China.
Great opposition and darkness have surrounded us. It might have been good to list all the things that have happened on the negative side of life just so I could remember but I got to the point that I had to just forget it and move on to the next challenge. I began to get very overwhelmed and I don’t do that easily. Many voices of fear and negativity continued to pound my soul. The things that would normally have been just something to take care of became insurmountable obstacles. Some days I could just barely hold on.

Unlike the proud person I am, I cried out for help. Family and friends came to my rescue and kept my head above water. People checking in on me. Others stopping by to visit and invite me to get out of the house. I had people come to my rescue in so many different ways. There are no words to express my deep gratitude for the kind words and acts performed on mine and my families behalf. I have people ask me how I’m doing. My initial reaction is “good” because I have now been blessed to have the dark disperse and be replaced by the light. For a split second I think why would you ask? But very quickly I am reminded of the moments I need all of you. My heart is full because I know I have friends, people I can turn to and a family that is incredible. I get teary just to think of it. I am so incredibly grateful to my Father in Heaven. For his tender mercies upon me and my family at home and abroad. He has been ever faithful. Not for one moment did I wonder if he was aware of me or if He cared. I knew my Father and my God was there. In due time the darkness was dispelled and the light filled my soul. Understandings came. Answers that I had been searching for and some for many years were given.

I would like to say that the challenges have ended. They haven’t, but they aren't so hard. In one week I took Britton, our 22 year old son to the doctor for an infection. Two of us had a very bad and unusual flu that caused severe headaches for 3 days. Headaches that caused me to dream my head blew up and that a creature had invaded my head and was moving around in my brain. I woke up when I heard a snap in my head. (I don’t have the luxury of taking Ibuprofen to ease the pain because of medical reasons. Like cause me to die. I’m not going there, at least not yet. J) Things in the house have gone wrong and will need attending to. Things that I can’t even remember until I need them. 5 Children woke up with yucky colds today, Marshall is feeling achy and Clayson has a bad ear infection that has been brewing for a week and home remedies aren't working. Hyrum’s stomach is now constantly hurting him. I have two guesses on what it is and neither are easy to fix. I even went to the Pediatrician for a weigh in on Gideon. The doctor thought it was great news but as a mom I’m not at peace. Gideon has been eating more than Hyrum and Bria combined in the last few weeks. One day he ate 5 eggs for breakfast, 6 chicken nuggets for lunch and 3 hotdogs for dinner. With all of that he ate more watermelon than I can remember and some veggies and snacks. That has been his typical diet and he only gained ½ a pound. I don’t think that is very good weight gain. If I had eaten like that for 3 weeks I’m sure I would be a good 10 pounds heavier. And yet, through all of this and the normal life circumstances in a family with 12 of us in the home, all is well.

A friend reminded me of this quote.

I have been blessed by so many with their strength added to my "widows mite" that I have been able to "stay the course". We all experience trials in life. Some seasons are more difficult than others but I have found that when we are on the right track, doing what the Lord would have us do Satan pulls out all the stops. It is so important to remember to cast not away our confidence. I now am seeing the beauty of life unfold. Attending the temple and being at church have given me even more strength. Talking with people that I LOVE at church and others coming to our home to assist in a blessing and bearing gifts for Scott with words of love and friendship have been just the cherry on top. 

I now feel ready for the trials and challenges to come as we walk the difficult road ahead with Scott. He has great potential and will succeed but this will be hard for him and the family. One week ago I was so depleted I could not even imagine being able to be anyone's strength, let alone a hurt child and all the children that will go through change and growth. Today I am ready. I know my Father is there for me and each of His children. We are of noble birth made in the image of God. We have royal blood. All that we need is already within us. We can do all things we are called upon to do! We will struggle we will be weary at times but if we press forward we will succeed!

I thank all of you for prayers, help and support. I thank you for those things that you don't think were of value, they did make a difference, including the promptings to do something, not doing it and then telling me about it. Even that helped. Mostly I thank my Father for His love. For the inspiration given to others to be my angels in my time of need. I thank my Father for countless angels that surrounded me and my family. I know Doug has a story of struggle and challenge. A story of struggle with darkness. He too has been blessed by angels and perfect strangers. I mean perfect in their love and charity towards my family while in China. People that are no longer strangers but friends that we hope will be friends for life no matter where on the globe we reside.


  1. I am also a mom of many, some of whom have come from difficult places. So oh my goodness -- I can totally relate! So glad you have a wonderful support system to call on even when you don't want to. Even in darkness, light will always win. THANKS for sharing today -- I needed to hear it myself. :D

  2. Deanne, I'm so sorry your struggling and wish I could be a help to you. You have been and angel for me!
    Prayers for you and your family.

  3. I have been following your blog and I thought there was a post up saying Scott (Gui) was on the way home, then it was taken down and nothing afterwards. I wasn't sure if it was my connection and if everyone is ok, since last I heard all were boarding a plane.