It's A Wonderful Life

Doug and I were in the car talking about his day at work. He had found out one of his coworkers was the wife of a big business owner in town. They are obviously well off financially. I wondered why she would work in a job that didn't pay super well and just fill her time like that. I said, "I could find her things to do and she would be much happier." Meaning there are plenty of service opportunities out there. Doug, "I think she's a low capacity person." I responded, "That's OK we all have talents. I've always thought of myself as a one talent person that doesn't hide it." With a big grin Doug says, "You're a ten talent person." I say, "No, look at my laundry." Doug laughing, "You don't hide it." We had a good laugh!                                           ...

There is a fantastic, solid, and deeply spiritual lady that has put together a website called Share the Miracles. It is a place to find "inspiring stories about overcoming trials with God's help". She is looking for blogs that have real stories of life and how we have overcome our trials. She would like Christian based people so we can share our testimonies to the world. I know there are a lot of people with something to share. It can be any kind of trial. No matter the challenge we have similar journey's of faith and growth. You never know when and how you will help someone navigate the struggles they face. Many of us think we don't have anything of value to offer. I know I feel that sometimes. My life is just my normal life, why would anyone care, right? Well I have found that is not always the case. Even if you don't think your blog is worthwhile or you can't write or share your feelings correctly there may be more there than you think. Please comm...

Well the deadline has almost arrived to send off our bibs. I have been working furiously to get them done. It started out as a family project but Gideon ended up in the hospital and mom couldn't help the kids finish. Each child chose a fabric, pinned the pattern, and cut it out. While in the hospital Sereen and Hannah helped sew the bibs the kids weren't able to finish with me. Sorry the picture is so bad. The camera was on the wrong setting. These are some of the bibs the kids made. Once home I decided to make the bibs my project. I love to sew and I love to serve so it was a perfect combination at the perfect time. I finished with all the fabric that I had stored in boxes and then bought more. Still not satisfied with what I had I bought even more fabric. What a fun project this was and the kids were immersed in scraps, thread and sewing paraphernalia. I lost a sewing room many kids ago. Now the kitchen table is my best work space. At dinner time the sewin...

First, I want to start by saying our Father in Heaven never leaves us alone. I was realizing we are at the point in the process of losing Gideon that others have moved forward. The moment that others have talked about when you are left alone. It was an observation not feeling sorry for myself. (I do a lot of observing my feelings and reactions.) That same day the Lord wanted me to know that He has not left me alone. A friend stopped by to check on me and brought me a cupcake. So appreciated! Another friend brought 2 loaves of yummy bread with a sweet note and I also got an email from someone at our adoption agency just letting us know she is thinking of us. We are never forgotten! Over my life I have been taught that gratitude and service are important. I have experienced these two principals and how vital they are for our happiness. Now, in a different kind of challenge these teachings have come back to me over and over again. Gratitude and service bring light to our souls. I...

It is 9:30 at night. I had a quick thought pop into my head. "I'm going to go lay with Gideon, I miss him." I immediately recognized the error in that thought and without sadness expressed it to Doug. He responded in a sheepish tone, "Please don't go lay with Gideon yet?"  

I know Deanne posted this photo a couple of days ago, but I wanted to use it again to add my thoughts from today.    We were sitting in our LDS chapel for what we refer to as our Stake Conference today.  For those of you who aren't familiar with the LDS terminology, this is a 2 hour meeting that families attend twice a year. A little different (and longer) than the typical Sacrament Service we have every Sunday. Bria, our little 5 year old, started the meeting out sitting on my lap.  About 15 minutes into the meeting I noticed my thigh starting to burn from the contstant pressure of her in one spot. As I shifted her to ease my pain, I realized we had another hour and forty five minutes to go and I was probably going to have to coax her into sitting on the bench or on someone else's lap before too much longer.  My thougths then went to the last day in the hospital with Gideon. After receiving the di...

That's the amount Americans spent on our pets in 2013 according to a recent report.  Not sure if that includes actually buying the pet or just costs of ownership, but the fact is - that is a big number!!   It prompted me to think about the amount spent on adoptions.  I tried to identify the actual number of adoptions occuring in the US annuarly through a couple of Google searches, and, of course, turning to my walking Encyclopedia of Adoptions, Deanne.  The best guess from the experts is about 135,000 adoptions per year in the US.  After averaging the cost of adoptions broken down into three catagories, domestice private, domestic public and international, my trusty calculator told me that American spend about $2.2 billion on adoptions every year. That's 4% of  $55 billion.  There are a lot of reasons why Americans spend more on pets than adoptions and I know no one would ever say pets are more important that chi...

Yesterday I was with two of my daughters and a sister-in-law. It just happened that we all came together without planning or calling each other. It was such a blessing in disguise for me. I know I wasn't the only one that needed the support and love yesterday. We all did to some degree, but don't we always. We all went to Costco to get a skirt. I saw them a few days ago and knew Sereen and Jessica would like them for the summer. In the midst of everything, I expressed that my brain just doesn't seem to be working right. They were a little surprised at that. I decided that it may be good for others to see what grief looks like, at least my grief. The first week and a half I was sad, heartbroken. I was surprised at how well I was functioning, although it was in a heavy fog. I wasn't a mess on the floor sobbing all the time. I found it difficult to make decisions and avoided them or just went with whatever was easiest. My jaw was always sore from the tension and a heada...

I have been involved in helping a little boy in China get the medical help he needs for his heart. If he doesn't get surgery ASAP he will most likely die very soon. I have been waiting for a Heart Cath report to arrive from China so our doctors could evaluate him better and make a plan of action in hopes of getting a medical visa. A week ago this little guy was deemed inoperable in China just like Gideon so we have had hope that someone in the US could help. This morning I excitedly received the DVD. It wasn't supposed to be here until tomorrow. It was a perfect set up by God. Our Cardiologist was available to evaluate the results as soon as I could get in and Hannah our 13 year old had stayed home as she was fighting the tail end of the flue. That meant I also had a babysitter.  I couldn't believe how Heavenly Father was making this so easy. I was doing so well emotionally and I could see the tender mercies clearly this morning. I headed to the hospital and met with o...

            The day we went to the hospital. Gideon getting an echo that showed his valve was failing. He was so sick.  In heart failure a person swells up. Gideon didn't look like this except the last few weeks. January 29, 2014   Still in echo. Gideon didn't like these even though nothing hurt him. He loved to take the stickers off when they were done.     Our first trip up to the third floor. Moving up a floor was a good sign. In just two days he was back in the CICU. (Cardiac Intensive Care Unit)   The family came to visit. Gideon hadn't been this happy since we entered the hospital. When the family left he became very sad. He continued to ask for each individual family member. He missed his brothers and sisters.   It was very clear that Gideon knew he was loved and that he loved back. When everyone left I had a witness that this is what family ...

Back in 2006 Doug wanted me to start a blog. I kept telling him no. I didn't have time with 12 kids. Funny huh, I can do it now with 18? I didn't want to blog mostly because I cared too much about what others thought of me and I had to project the image that I was close to perfect and could handle anything. If I blogged then others would see that I wasn't so perfect or maybe very far from perfect, and life could get out of control way too often. If others saw that then I had to admit it too as well as open myself up for judgment. That was just too hard. I was so far from perfect. I had just come out of having 4 children 18 months and younger with 7 children 6 and younger and a total of 12 kids. NO ONE can be perfect in that situation! Heavenly Father was going to show me that I needed Him more than I thought and teach me more about the atonement. I had no idea how much I had to learn. It seems the more I learn, the more I learn, I have...

While in the hospital with Gideon I made a friend of another patient. This friend had her baby in November and has been in the hospital all but 10 days. This little baby had heterotaxy like Gideon and severe heart issues. Her only hope was a transplant and she was quickly deteriorating. She needed a transplant ASAP! The day Gideon died this little one was in the OR getting her new heart. What a miracle that she even got a heart. This mom and baby are 9 hours away from family and friends so they don't have much support. I decided to go visit them because it was so good for me to have others come when I sat in the hospital. This past Wednesday was the day I could go because some of the kids were home from school so they could babysit. I couldn't sleep well that night because of the anxiety of going back to the hospital. I wavered back and forth that morning if I would go or not. I was sure this friend would understand if I didn't come. I gathered my courage and got ready t...

I just have to say. Whenever I get on the blog I am in awe of the size of our family. The family picture is almost a shock. How can this be one family? WOW!!! That is a crowd.  Yet, living it is so different. Each person is an individual, and mine. It's just so odd to have the different feelings. Now you know I feel the same as you. Oh, and the cute boy in the back with the pink or light red shirt and black glasses, he really doesn't look quite so nerdy in real life. :)

I don't want our blog to be a place to dwell on the challenges of life but a place to document and share our experiences as a family. A place to bear testimony of our Savior Jesus Christ and witness our own growth. We invite anyone along that would like to share with us. Right now we are surrounded by the passing of Gideon so it is much of what we think about, hence, what we write about. Hopefully, we can be honest and at some point help others to recognize their experiences and pain are normal and OK. These challenges in life are about perfecting us and drawing us all closer to God. No matter the road and what bumps and bruises we receive, we all have much the same emotional struggles and growth. Never sell yourself short and think that what you go through is any less difficult than someone else because if it really is less difficult just know you will be there one day. With this challenge of loss Doug and I have discovered that the death of a pure innocent child is in some ...

As Deanne mentioned in her last post, we had a friend offer to make the casket for Gideon.  Here is that story... Kevin Herd is a good freiend who has had a special connection with Gideon since we brought him home last year.  Not only is he a sensitive man who has been a great friend of our family, but as you can see by the photo with him and his wife, Melodee, he has a special place in his heart for the Asian culture. When I called Kevin the morning after Gideon passed away, he was very touched and immediately offered to make the casket.  This took me completely by surprise.  He is a good friend and I trusted his skills as a furniture builder, but he has been extremey busy with his own business. I told him we really appreciated such a tender offering from his heart, but didn't want to overburden him with such a huge sacrifice of his time. He is a furniture builder by profession and owns Tanglewood Design in Salt Lake City.  He focuses o...