After going to bed we realized that there were a few things we wanted to say but were so tired that we forgot. Sorry the last post rambled. I just couldn't think straight. :) We decided this morning that flying at night was better for the time change so hopefully the same applies on the way back and we do better than the last trip.
We missed Easter here in China. We even forgot that it was Easter until we walked into the lobby of the hotel in Beijing. This is what we saw.
The eggs on the tree were hand painted. They looked a little like what we would attempt at home if we hand painted our eggs.
The bunnies were so cute. I just wanted to pick one up and cuddle with it. It's tempting to get a bunny but the problem is they grow up.
I was instructed to prepare 6-8 gifts, at least that's what I was thinking. Our guide instructed us to have 4 ready. One for the orphanage director another for the person who brings Gideon and two for officials that do notaries and something else, I forgot. That makes 4 gifts. I brought 8 pounds of Jelly Bellies and 6 pounds of caramels. I always do more than needed so I am prepared. I had 10 gifts and thought that we would give one to Richard in Guangzhou. I will also bring one for the Foster Family in hopes that we can see them but we don't know. We are also told that we will see the director the the healing home where Gideon stayed for a while and have been directing his medical care. That leaves 4 more gifts. Yummy. I had to re bag the Jelly Bellies because all the bags broke in the trip. I don't know why but I brought all the extra bags. I didn't intend on bringing them. A Tender Mercy from the Lord.
Dad's glad we didn't have to use all the Jelly Bellies and he thinks Gideon might be too. Hyrum and Bria loved them in China when we picked them up and wanted to make sure that Gideon would have some, now there are plenty.
Thanks Sereen for coming over on Friday to help. You were a God send. I really needed the help as well as the stability you offered. She helped me to make the awesome caramels.
2 hours until we go. I'm feeling more faithful this morning but realized how deep my fears were when I woke up with a nightmare that I went back home and left Doug here to pick up Gideon because I didn't feel good. He followed me home and in my dream I realized that there was no
one there for Gideon. I woke myself up crying.
If Myriam or our social worker is reading this, trust me, I'm doing fine. I just have to deal with a demon that has been haunting me for a year and a half.
My take on this kind of things is, we all have demons and prejudices. If we admit them and deal with them we are more healthy emotionally for it. It's when we don't admit to ourselves or others that we have these fears or prejudices then we never improve and are not the best parents we can be.
Now you se,e I so want to be real and let others know that we are all the same and in this together.
Leo is still on my mind and the grief is deep. How I wish there was some way for us to bring him home.