Saturday, September 10, 2011

No, We are Not in China

Well it's been quite a week around our house.  We got news Tuesday after booking airline tickets that the US Consulate in China did not have any appointments available for the week we needed.  We tried a few other avenues to get an appointment but had no luck.  We wanted to give ourselves any chance we had so finally Friday evening we cancelled our tickets.  It was a difficult thing to do and cost us $560.

We are still home and won't be going until October or November.  We will be contacting our agency next week to see if we can get an appointment in October but if not we do have one for the middle of November.  Many questions arise now with this change and we have no answers for any of them.  We will have to take some time to think everything through and make some decisions.  It has been extremely difficult for several reasons but the most obvious being the disappointment of not going to get our children. 

I know this experience as well as this whole adoption process gives us more compassion but right now I don't want to learn anymore of that.  I just want what I want (which is not unreasonable) and not have so much opposition in my life.  I know some will think that Our will is not the Lord's will or that it makes us better people or even that we will still get to go get our children. I don't want to hear any of that so I choose not to talk about it to anyone. It has been a very long difficult journey finding a getting our children.  Even the children we have home are now afraid of what may happen next.  There have been so many things happen that I find I am afraid of what will go wrong while in China, either with Doug and I or at home with the kids.  There is no peace in this situation.

On the bright side, we have decided to be more selfish.  I am taking a week to buy fabric and sew, ALL WEEK LONG!  I am not doing anything for anyone but feed my kids.  I am going to have Doug do some golfing, if he can get away from work after missing most of this week due to an adoption mess. For a while we are taking care of ourselves, watching moves, playing games, going shopping, eating all the chocolate we want without feeling guilty, sitting around and doing nothing, maybe even see if there are tickets left for Mary Poppins. It's time to lick our wounds and heal.

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