I Have Been Changed

Oh, there is so much that happens at our home. Always changes and looking forward. New opportunities to develop faith and trust in our Heavenly Father. We have been led and protected and can testify of the reality of angels in all of our lives. When we are open and seek for the hand of the Lord He is able to bless us in ways that we would never even think to ask. Sometimes those blessings come in the form of stripping us of much of what we thought was our security. But by this we turn more closely to God and recognize our complete dependence on Him and the Saviors atonement and resurrection. What a gift Jesus Christ is and to have the love and tender mercies of our Father in Heaven.

We were in the grocery store a couple of weeks ago and the cashier said "How are you?" Our first thought was to respond with "Well our son died 7 weeks ago and this and this just happened" but we knew she wouldn't believe us (No one would!) and it would probably traumatize her the rest of the evening. At this point I feel we need to keep some of the challenges in our lives private but believe me, we are being completely humbled. And we are grateful!! It's amazing how much we can handle when we know we are on the Lord's errand.

The challenges that we have, and do face, have brought us to our knees many many times. We have been tried in the fiery furnace much of our lives. With Gideon's passing as one of these challenges we have been blessed beyond what we could imagine. Blessed to be changed forever. I hear, way to often, that with Gideon's death that I am changed. I will never be the same. Sadly, those words usually come with a negative tone. Whenever I hear them I cringe inside. No one knows that I pray that I will be able to allow the atonement to heal me completely of this loss. To look on the experiences with Gideon with joy and happiness. To never forget the blessing we have been given to have him eternally. What that means to me is not being depressed or feeling so down that I can not accomplish all the work that God would ask of me. I want to be filled with light. That doesn't mean I won't miss him and shed tears here and there. But the change that I desire is a permanent turning to God because of my love for Him and the gift of the resurrection and atonement. To smile when I see pictures of my precious son. I feel that I am in the process of receiving that gift and much more quickly than I expected. How glorious, the sacrifice of God.

I have changed, and I like it. Gideon has blessed me more than I could have ever known. Gideon's willingness to obey the Master in all things, even in death has made me a better person. I have more gratitude for the blessings that I have. In the hard moments I can still feel the presence of the Spirit and his protecting hand. Yes, I have been changed! I embrace that change. I welcome that change. I prefer that change. I have been changed for the better and I will ever be grateful for this gift.