Joy Cometh In the Morning

 

 

 

 

 

As most people know by now, our precious Gideon passed away Thursday February 13, 2014. On to a new phase of his life. Our Father needed him somewhere else but blessed us to reconnect over the last 10 months. To create memories and have him sealed to our family for all eternity. We are profoundly grateful for these gifts.

Gideon's recovery from surgery went very well for about 18 hours. Slowly his body showed signs of challenge. At first nothing real concerning but over a short period of time the nurse, doctors and I (Deanne) could see that things were not ok. The doctor ordered an Echo. I was on the phone with Doug letting him know he needed to get to the hospital so we could confer with the doctor when they started the Echo. It was clear to me and the doctor that Gideon's valve was not working at all. We gave each other a knowing look and I told Doug what was going on. Doug left right away to get to us and the doctor and I talked. We knew it was the end. Gideon was being called home.

We called all the schools and checked the kids out. Family members brought them to the hospital and all the older kids hurried up to say goodbye. We were all in the CICU (Cardiac Intensive Care Unit) room together within an hour and 15 minutes. Gideon was on a low dose of Morphine to take the edge off the pain but still give us time to see him while he was awake. We said goodbye, played catch with Gideon and wept together. The young children left while most of our older kids stayed. We had the medicine turned off and were warned in a very compassionate way that it may take a couple of days for Gideon to go. 20 minutes later he moved on and was gone.

When Doug had gotten to the hospital Gideon wanted his Daddy to hold him. For the next 4 hours Gideon sat cuddled in his daddy's lap. Gideon wanted to take a walk with mommy and daddy and whenever I left the room Gideon called for me to come back in. He had to have his mommy and daddy with him at all times. He also made sure that his food was close by even though he never ate it. I sat close to Doug and Gideon and just held Gideon's foot. He loved for me to hold his hands and feet. After Gideon died I held him for a short time. We then laid him down and took care of some simple paperwork while our older kids collected our things. I just couldn't see Gideon laying all alone even though I knew he was gone.

We came back from doing paperwork and realized the kids didn't know we had more things in the room. I asked if Gideon was covered and they said his body was. I clenched my jaw and went in hoping not to see him. I gathered the rest of our things and looked over. There was my beautiful little boy laying there as though he were asleep. I walked over to see him. I bent down with tears in my eyes, kissed his forehead gently and said "Serve well, make all this worth it."

My heart breaks numerous times a day. I love my son with all my heart and wish that I could have him back right now. But I know that one day he will run to me and jump in my arms and we will have a very joyous reunion. Because of the blessings of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the atonement and resurrection our family will have Gideon once again. This knowledge brings me great peace in the midst of the grief.

I will miss Gideon until the day we are reunited. He is and will always be a part of our lives. We are keeping him alive through pictures, talking of him and praying for him still. "He is mine and I am his" never to be permanently separated. I love my Savior for many reasons but today I love him most for the great gift of eternal life and the sealing power of the family. I owe him my life and because of that I willingly let Gideon go to him with great love and sacrifice. A sacrifice that can not compare to the one made for me and all mankind. My hope is that through all of this Mine, Gideon's, Doug's and my children's testimonies will ring forth to the world testifying of  the Love of our Heavenly Father and his son, our brother, Jesus Christ.

I love my Gideon because the Lord loved me first.