Hard Things

All of us go through hard things in life. Some go through more difficult experiences than others and some are placed in situations and have emotions that we can't imagine. Several of our children fit into this last group of people. So many of their most vulnerable years were spent in situations that damaged them emotionally. Have given them burdens to bear and scars to heal.

Today we witnessed a glimmer of the pain that comes with hard things. I only reveal these things so others may learn and become aware of our responsibility to love, nurture and heal as our Savior would. Scott and I were reading in his book when he said something about being slapped in the face. I asked him to explain what happened. His pent up hurt exploded out of his body. He raised his voice, tears flowed, body tensed and he became very animated as he began to tell me the story.

When he was 8 one of the orphanage staff poured him a glass of hot water. It is customary in China to drink hot water no matter the temperature or climate. Scott picked up his glass with his left hand, the hand that trembles a lot and is hard to control. The cup started burning his hand so he tried to put it back down as quickly as he could. In the process his hand shook violently and he spilled the water on the table and floor. The male staff member that had poured his water reacted abusively and slapped him very hard in the face. Why, because he had a special need and accidentally spilled his water. No arm around the shoulder. No, it's ok or no problem. No, I love you anyway. What he got was a hard slap across the face.

I wanted to clarify parts of the story with Scott and help him to continue to open up so he could feel the emotions and get it out. I asked a couple of questions and Scott responded  by telling me "He hit me hard in the face because of my broken hand!" He had tears streaming down his face and was very upset. I took him in my arms and whispered in his ear that I was sorry. I reminded him that we love him. We love him even with his broken hand and unclear speech. We will love him forever and try all we can to try to fix his hand and allow others to understand him when he speaks.

It was a bitter sweet experience for both of us. Scott was strong enough to open up his heart. He finally feels secure enough to know we love him and will continue to love him even if bad things have happened. He allowed the pain to come up and feel those buried feelings. I too felt the pain of my son being so hurt. My heart broke for a child that was mine living so much of his life in an orphanage where the love he felt was limited, the abandonment, the abuse and rejection left deep scars. I also was given a gift. A reminder that my son is home! He is loved! And my Father in Heaven trusts me enough to help him learn of his Savior and seek healing and light. We may have some challenging days ahead as we have reached a new level of trust and healing. I am ready. I will love him even more and increase my prayers on Scott's behalf. I am truly blessed to be his mother.

When I told Scott we were trying to help fix his broken hand Hyrum reached out his hand, turned it over and said "I want to fix my broken hand." Oh, how hard it is to see your children suffer. There is nothing I can do for Hyrum. His broken hand is a burden he will bear all his mortal days and I can do nothing to take it away. But I will teach him he is loved. He is strong and he can do all things that the Lord would ask of him, broken hand or not.